She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
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