You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
I'll have my hookups make my March Madness picks. Win my bracket, win my heart. That's how it works right?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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