Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
I miss my brother. He would have fucked the fat girl for me.
I told you I would
I wouldnt do that to you. You're my actual friend
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
let me drop the bass on your empty vagina syndrome
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
He licked the buffalo sauce off my fingers and then we had the best sex of my life.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
