Hahaha figures, hmm should I spank you? Or throw a cow at you?
I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Ok so in the last 18 months I have now driven four different dudes into counseling. I'm like heroin with a vagina.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Randomize
