I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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