we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
I just got fed by 3 guys. I love my job.
Randomize
