I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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