Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
You better be watching. There will be a POP quiz. Each correct answer gains you 5 more minutes of the sexual act of your choice
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
