Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
Hey hey, in my defense we were just suppose to watch Disney movies from a blanket fort with beer and nachos. I was I suppose to know it would end in tears?
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
He stood me up.
I'm no sure if I should be pissed or proud that he finally grew a backbone.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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