I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
We left the knife in your bed.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Randomize
