Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
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