so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Apparently drunk me thinks it's a good idea to put drops of acid in assorted open drinks in the fridge... This should be a fun week.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
He's minimum effort, but maximum fuck.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Randomize
