Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
I'm afraid I might run into that fat chick that sucked on me in the hospital parking lot while her friend cried in the car next to us, but I may be willing to take that chance.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
Randomize
