Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
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