I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize