I'm pants shitting drunk right now
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
So my teacher figured out I made a drinking game out of her lecture. Once my drink was gone she let us out. Happy St. Patricks day class. Your welcome
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Mmm vodka always tastes better when i know i have work at 8am
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
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