I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Bro i pulled the fucking willy wonkas gold ticket of ratchets the other night this chick was a real treat god bless her
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Just a little. Like do I say "hey I'm the girl that's fucking your son, nice to meet you"
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Randomize
