Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
He thinks he's a sex addict. Just. My. Type.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
