All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
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