I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
she smelled like a LAN party
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
