So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
