So I think I might still secretly love him despite the ass licking...
Hey ass licking is a very nice and intimate thing! Don't discredit your feelings
But what if he licks everyones ass?
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
We need to stop celebrating holidays that dont belong to us
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You've had it in your mouth, how have you not seen it?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
