Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
took shots off of a myriad of fake boobs last night. It was glorious.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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