good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
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