Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
I just got a standing ovation when i made it to work on New Years Day. good thing?
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Yeah well I used to see how many bud lights I could slam down during the pledge of allegiance, my record was 4, but I could do better now.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Randomize
