Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
