i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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