Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
you made me suck your tit in the car and kept saying "good boy. I love you so much. good boy."
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
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