I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
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