I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Randomize
