I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
Idk man, she was drunker than me and i was sitting there talking to a raccoon about it's broken leg.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
