did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
i was about to rearrange the room but realized that this is the only efficient setup where we can have sex while the other one's asleep without them accidentally seeing.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
