I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
just because she threw up on my junk doesnt mean i dont like asians anymore
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
Pretty sure we ruined a bachelorettes life last night
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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