I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Can you please come in my room and pour water in my mouth? Too hungover to move. btw who is this guy in my bed? Can't see his face. Cute?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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