we were making out and he got up to change his pants. I wonder what would happen if i took my shirt off.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
idk but i have you stored in my phone as 'guy with beard doing body shots'
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
Hold your horses dude. Titty pics are a work of art.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
isnt it crazy how for years we were living our owns lives, and now only a wall seperates us?
stop. eating. my. shrooms.
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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