glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
We need a hype man... Like a DMX type dude to just up the ante constantly...
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
