Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
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