I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
making cat noises will not fix the situation.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Watching crazy stupid love and drinking alone isn't what I thought it was gonna be
Its TONS better. Expect a drunk dial at 11:54
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I got stoned and explored ice caves with a guy who photographs dildos for a living. I win.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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