ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Randomize
