I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
We found you naked curled up in a ball in the closet, using a gorilla suit as a blanket
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
