We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
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