I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Randomize
