3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
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