Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
Thumbs up
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize