As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I just woke up under my desk. Not to worry though, no one is in the office yet
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
