Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
