Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
