Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
My ass is underappreciated
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
