I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My brother is coming home and he is bringing a whole bunch of friends with him. I am making him a cake. What should i put on it?
"Open for business" or "I have condoms" would probably work
Randomize
