The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
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