im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Randomize
