Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
I need water and some morals
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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