I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I convinced every single one of my cousins to bring me a glass of wine. I was the alcoholic queen and they were my subjects.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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