Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
