We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
It's my vagina- remember its magical and yes I just did mini spirit fingers
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I just walked through the door and she ran up to me, hugged me, unzipped my pants and immediately started sucking my dick. Good day.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
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