it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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