the best thing about tacos is after you shit them all out you feel like to have room for your dignity to come back
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think people are normalizing furries
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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