I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
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