Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
did the hipsters beat you up because you are more ironic than they are?
he fucked my hip out of place.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
It was relaxing until your penis crawled in my ear.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
Randomize
