We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
And I made some girl take out the trash, load and unload the dishwasher, swifter, and clean the counters. So don't act like I don't do anything.
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
I passed out with the lights and tv on woke up at 4am SO confused and covered in goldfish so I ate them and went back to bed.. fuck xanax
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
