...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
