Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
