i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
You are a booty call, not a friend.
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
It's rum buckets o'clock
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I have done everything sexualally imaginable with that umpalumpa
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
