This house was built for laser tag.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
