He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
