those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
He's been dancing to the same Rob Thomas album in his room for almost 8 hours now. Please never, ever bring extacy over here again.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
