Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
two words...techno handjob
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Randomize
