Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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