Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
Just high enough for therapy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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