Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
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