You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
She asked me to tell her the three words every girl wants to hear so I whispered "I play hockey" in her ear.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
