Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize
