your thong is hanging out like whoa
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Swear to god you say cuddle bunny one more time and honest to god I will sacrifice a bunny on the hood of your car
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
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