And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I just remembered I opened the taxi door when I was at a red light last night and puked. And then when I was done I closed the door and told him he may proceed with caution.
Just saw a homeless man taking a shower in someone's sprinkler system....
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
