you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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