The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Your cat is quite the conversationalist after some tequila and shrooms
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
Randomize