I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
