i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
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