***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
'Watching yourself cry on Photobooth' is the new 'watching yourself cry in the mirror.'
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
She started crying and told me to leave half way through, I'm walking down main with a bottle of patron and a sweatpants boner.
this better not be you asking for a beej
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize