Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Soo both my 8 year old sister and fuck buddy are named Sarah..
this can't be going anywhere good
nooope. guess which one i texted last nite to come over so i could "punish her pussy"? =\
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I want to apologize 3 days in advance for what's about to take place on St. Patrick's day.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
You gotta start bringing a flask to work so you can get a head start
Possibly a very genius or very terrible idea...
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
He may have been a dick but he DID give me his Netflix log in. Maybe some good did come of it.
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
Randomize
