i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
