If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
