I can't watch pbs sober anymore
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
Randomize
