matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
