I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
It's a "party harder or raise your standards" kind if night.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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