The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
