I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
