I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
