i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
Randomize
