Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
I think I found out what we're going be for Halloween....Alcohol poisoning victims.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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