So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
