Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
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