Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
