My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Randomize
