i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I have feelings that need drinking.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Randomize
