last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
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