Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
Just took my morning after pill in the library
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
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