Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
My cousin just told me i smelled good. She must like the smell of cum.
whore
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
When you wake up to a porn star on your couch telling you, you better tell your boyfriend about last night.
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
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