Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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