I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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