The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
she looks like one of those semi-pretty girls that turns into a 9 while she's riding your cock like she's trying to catch a train on horseback.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
