you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
Randomize
