I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
