I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
