She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
all you did was keep googling "what time is it" over and over and over
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
